We usually get run over by a car who did not expect I am a proud mom-in-law of a freaking awesome daughter-in-law sunflower shirt that we’d jump on the street mid-traffic as if all cars would suddenly stop for us, something they actually have to do in Paris, one of the very few laws that get any respect in our country. Living in Germany is a constant burden for us since people over there actually obey the law, and some of them don’t even speak French or the same English we do. We usually end up expelled from the country for making some totally inappropriate joke about one of the world wars, or for asking why they think it’s so ecological to send us all the fumes from their coal powerplants, and would they please use nuclear energy like all other civilized countries. Living in Italy is a constant threat for us since people over there also believe they are Latin lovers or that their food is the best in the world.
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We usually end up overrun by a car who did I am a proud mom-in-law of a freaking awesome daughter-in-law sunflower shirt not stop at a red light, mobbed for telling that Bugatti is actually a French car manufacturer, or killed by some mafioso who thought we looked at his girlfriend funny. So in the end, not feeling so comfortable anywhere else, we usually live in France. Where we end up dying at a very old age because our wine and champagne are apparently good for our health unlike every other alcoholic beverage in the world, our cheese and saucisson do not increase cholesterol level like all other fat-filled products in the world, and we can even stuff ourselves for Christmas with foie-gras, a delicacy that last time.